We're closer than we thought
by VanityInsanityyy
Summary: Dahvie & jayy from blood on the dance floor have been friends for a long time.. but will all that change? Rated M :
1. Chapter 1

The rain stung my skin like ice. I looked across the water surface and smiled to myself. I knew all about him. I kept telling myself I had no intensions but… it feels like we have a strong bond between us. A force pulling us together. I wanted to be straight, I wanted to be into girls, and I was. But the only turn of thought was when I became Jayy's best friend. My world turned upside down and inside out. My stomach turned every time I looked at him. I felt my head spin when he was in my thoughts. Like now.

The water was so beautiful. As the rain beat down, tiny droplets from the water splashed up and reflected the light off the far away city lights into the sky, sending out S.O.S. signals to the world. I shook my head and let my long, dark hair flop in front of my face. Save Our Souls. As stupid as It may sound, I was in love with Jayy Von Monroe.

I walk along the shore, keeping my eyes at the dark, wet ground, seeing my reflection in a passing puddle. I splash it angrily. I look at the sky and start to sob, letting my makeup drip down my collar bone. I knew I couldn't tell him. It would sound ugly. Besides, Jayy only sees me as a best friend, maybe loving him is the reason I can't think anymore. But now since he wasn't around, I could think about how much my love affected our friendship. Maybe I shouldn't tell him.

I wipe my eyes on my sleeve and bite my large bottom lip. As I gnaw, I hear footsteps approach.

"Dahvie?" The sweet, beautiful pitch of Jayy Von Monroe's voice hums through my mind.

I turn around to see him.

Jayy was 6''2, skinny as can be, and has a twist to his features that makes you think of Bill Kaulitz or Adam Lambert. He was Hispanic; olive-coloured skin, big brownish eyes. He had large, straight, glowing white teeth that made my heart skip when he smiled. I always have the urge to smile back.

Jayy was wearing his black, fur-trimmed hoodie. A really stupid thing to wear in the rain, but he held a black umbrella with him.

"I was worried about you, I thought maybe someone stole you or something," He responds with a quiet smile.

I chuckle and look down at my shoes, all wet; I move my toes around inside and sigh.

I sneeze.

"Maybe you should come back to the apartment, I don't want you to catch cold, we have a concert tomorrow," Jayy stuck out his hand gingerly and I smiled. I took his hand and he walked me back to the apartment.

I was on my laptop, scrolling through the songs we posted on MySpace. I smiled every time I saw a picture of me and Jayy just being our "normal" selves with the fake blood and vibrant contacts. I chuckled.

Jayy was fast asleep when I did this. I look over at him, he was snoring and his long legs sprawled across the bed, the covers falling off. I got up and fixed the covers over his thin body, he smiled and pulled the covers close to his chest, he started snoring again.

I go into the bathroom and start coughing. I think I caught a cold from being in the rain. I look into the mirror and move a couple pieces of hair out of my face. I rub at the now dried monstrosity of my makeup that seemed to trail down my chest. I decided just to take a hot shower.

I was settled in my bed now, and I couldn't stop thinking about Jayy. This was so stupid! There must be something else to think about. Maybe I should just think about the concert tomorrow. That should clear my mind. What am I gonna wear? Which coloured extensions should my hair handle this time? I dozed off into a good sleep.

The next day a felt a heavy weight on my chest and moaned. I tried to roll away, but the weight kept me there. I lazily opened one eye. It was Jayy. He was laying on me.

"Get off….." I mumbled and almost fell asleep until I felt Jayy's hand on my forehead.

"Yep, you got a cold," He stated.

"WHAT!" I said, sitting up when Jayy walked away.

He came back a few seconds later with a tablespoon of purple stuff.

"What is that?" I asked.

"It's medicine, dumb ass," Jayy smiled an evil smile, "Say 'aah'"

But before I could open my mouth wide enough, he shoved the spoon in my mouth and the medicine, grape, ran down my throat. I coughed.

"Don't cough it up! Don't you wanna get better for tonight?" Jayy said, tapping the calendar that read "BOTDF CONCERT SCOTTSDALE, AZ"

I sighed and got up. I rubbed my eyes and crawled to my dresser.

"We need to rehearse one more time," Jayy said, "so up and at 'em!" He kicked my butt and walked away.

I sat on the floor and opened a dresser drawer. I scratched at my neck as I searched through the unfolded clothing. I shut the drawer and tried another.

"When you're done, I made pancakes and stuff," Jayy called from the other room.

"Okay," I called back. My cell started to ring.

I sighed and used the drawer handles to help me up. But because I was a tad over weight, I broke the handle and fell to the ground again. I groaned and closed my eyes and let my phone ring all it wanted to.

"Dahvie?" Jayy said, looking down at me seconds later, I looked up and he was smiling.

"I'm not fat, okay?" I mentioned this to him before; I just fell in love with Reeses, that's all.

"No, no, I understand, you fell," He said, smiling still. He helped me up and walked over to my cell, picked it up and opened it.

"Uh, did I say you could look through my phone?" I said, kinda peeved.

"No," Jayy said, scanning the phone carefully.

I coughed again. Not because I was sick, but because I just realized what Jayy intended on wearing. Skin tight leather short shorts. I closed my eyes and tried to get the image out of my head.

"Are you legit about that outfit, Jayy?" I say, squinting up at his face, trying my hardest not to look down.

"Hmm?" Jayy said, not paying attention, still looking through my phone.

I sighed and looked down again, my fists tightened and they started to hurt. I felt no circulation in my arms anymore. I made a weird sound in my throat and pulled my eyes off his ass. I'm not gay! Stop staring at Jayy's ass you homo!

"Sorry what did you say before?" Jayy asked, closing my phone and placing it on the night stand again.

I shook my head, looking at the ceiling.

"Never mind,"

Jayy shrugged and walked out of the room. I let go of the torturing breath that was kept in my lungs.

"By the way, there's breakfast here, fatty,"

"I'm not fat!" I yelled back. Jayy giggled and I smiled, shaking my head.

I got dressed in black capris with retro-coloured striped socks, and our band t-shirt, the one with the mutant panda on it. I looked through my drawer of hair products and got out my 3 hairsprays, and 5 red, orange and blonde extensions out. I teased my hair up and sprayed it, used the wax at the tips, and the second ultra-hold glue spray at the roots. I clipped in the extensions in the longer part of my hair. About 20 minutes gone by and I looked perfect, with the makeup and everything. The only thing I hated was my flab. How could Jayy possibly keep a good figure? Well, he _does _belly dance, and he _also _hoop dances, he's also very good at gymnastics and…. Yeah, I'm not gonna dance, forget about it.

I walked into the living room where Jayy was swinging his new flashing hula-hoop around his hips. He bent back and looked at me, then stopped.

"What's up?" Jayy said, after turning off the stereo.

"Um… You see this?" I grabbed my stomach and Jayy raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah? What about it?"

"I don't like it, I need it gone, caput, outta here," I said, looking down my stomach, sucking in and then letting go.

"Oh Dahvie, don't be ridiculous, you look fine," Jayy said, I looked up at his smiling face.

"You're such a lying bitch," I said, smiling.

He stopped smiling and raised an eyebrow again.

"I'm not lying; everyone loves you just the way you are! Don't change for anything," Jayy said, more serious.

I shrugged, "But it just bugs me, knowing I'm overweight," A stinging pain fills my ears. Jayy slapped me across the face.

"Shut up!" He shouted at me, eyes filled with tears, my eyes widened. Was Jayy…. Crying?

"Jayy?" I said softly, he covered his face with his hands and began to sob.

"C'mon, don't be like that, Jayy," I gently grabbed his wrists and pulled his hands away from his face, his eyeliner was smudged. He still looked beautiful though. UGH, stop it Dahvie!

Jayy dropped his hands to his side and looked at the ground, I pulled his face up.

"I won't change," I said, smiling softly, "Why are you crying?"

Jayy shook his head. I stroked his hair and let go of him, I didn't want him to get the wrong idea about me. He grabbed my hands and held them in his own.

"It's just…." He looked at the door of the apartment and then back at me, "Nothing, It's nothing,"

He shakes his head and presses his lips together, he looks up at the ceiling, "Promise me you won't do anything stupid or reckless about your weight like I have befor."

I raise an eyebrow at him, and then stopped when I notice his face so close to mine. I could just lean in a few more centimeters and…

"I understand you want to lose weight Dahvie, but please, remember your fans love you for who you are, and so do I," He smiled weakly. I nodded firmly and rolled back on my heels. Jayy walked away.


	2. Chapter 2

I stood out on the balcony of our apartment and smiled out at the light rain. It was almost time to get going to Scottsville, AZ. I turned around to watch Jayy; he was still working on his moves with the hula-hoop. I smiled when I noticed how much concentration he had toward the way his hips swayed. He was so swift, so settle. No wonder our fans love him so much. I looked down at the ground, thinking over what he said. I turned to look at the rain again.

The concert was finally on after an earlier performance. I put in my turquoise-coloured contacts and turned to face Jayy, Jayy smiled and winked, we headed for the stage as soon as "Lets Start a Riot" began playing.

"How's everyone doing tonight?" I exclaim through the microphone. The crowd screams and jumps and yells _"we love you!"_

I look at Jayy and smile, he smiles back as he swings the hula-hoop around his arms and neck. The crowd goes crazy.

"Slash, gash, terror whore, I like you better on the floor, sock it to me, ultra hot, danger, danger, on the spot! On the bed, give me head, make you scream, candy cream!" I sing into the mic as the crowd is screaming the lyrics back to me.

As I sing, I always get this feeling like I can just jump in the air and crowd-soar. As crazy as it sounds, I would try it one day. When I'm thinner, that is.

I put the feeling into my songs like I did recording them, even though the crowds might not hear it over their own shrieks of glee.

"Uh-uh!" I say into the microphone four times. "I like it rough, I'll give it tough, I'll make you lust, I'll make you bust!"

"Let's start a riot! Let's start a riot!" Jayy screams into the microphone as he paces the stage once and, for effect, pushes me a bit, I laugh and he smiles his white-teeth smile. The crowd can't see the smiles, only the push, it gets them excited for some reason.

Jayy would back up my vocals when I forgot some lyrics.

"There's blood, on the Dancefloor, we'll bring it once more," Jayy sings in a beautiful voice through the big speakers. The crowd screams.

"Can't stop until we drop, uh-uh, can't stop until we pop!" I respond.

Jayy repeats his line, and then I repeat mine.

The song continues.

After the song was done, and after me and Jayy took a drink of water without leaving the stage once from the cheering, screaming crowd.

"Now, I know everyone's having fun tonight, so how about we get to an old-time favorite you and your friends suck dick to?" I yell into the mic.

The crowd responds excellently with a whole lot of screaming.

Now, I'm not legit, it's just a thing BOTDF does, it's my trademark to be a pimp.

As the music starts, the crowd jumps to the rhythm and so do me and Jayy.

That song finally ended, and without further ado, it was time to announce the last song.

"Now, to all our loving fans out there who don't give a fuck, give it up for the last song of the night!" I yell. The crowd responds again.

Jayy looked at me, smiled and nodded. I nodded back. We were having so much fun on stage; I almost forgot how fun it was to create this song!

A sharp techno beat stung through the speakers as everyone's thrilling faces lit up 100X brighter than before. I'm guessing it was their favorite song. "Scream For ", it was called.

By the time the song was half way down the road, it was solo time.

"Now I type in sex, sex, sex, you start to undress-dress, popping out your chest on your friend's request!"

"Now I'm rocking on your top, and you know I just can't stop," Jayy's part continued, then mine and then the chorus kicked on.

My heart was racing so fast in my chest; I was leaning into the crowd, letting them scream the lyrics into the microphone.

The chorus ended and soft singing was mixed with a light electronic tune. I got up and took a step backward, I looked at Jayy.

"You can taste my ice cream, we could be a sweet team," I sing into the microphone.

"You can taste my ice cream, we could be a sweet team," He repeats and takes a step toward me, he nods and smiles.

The music takes a dramatic pause.

"You can taste my ice cream, we could be a sweet team," I walk up to him slowly and he puts an arm on my shoulder, the crowd starts to get a bit loud now. I think I know what they want…

I put my hand on his hip, close to his butt and the crowd starts to nervously squeal with joy.

Jayy looks into my eyes, our faces closer than ever before. His sweet breath pushing against my face, I close my eyes and silently sniff the air as he repeats my line again.

Then I open my eyes and his eyes widen, I put my right arm around his shoulders and pressed my lips against his. He freezes and then kisses me back for 3 seconds, and then I push off him and start to sing again.

"Scream for my ice cream, tell me all your dirty dreams, scream for my ice cream, show me what's your fantasy," I sing casually, not looking at Jayy, not wanted to see his reaction to the kiss.

I stood out on the balcony of our apartment and smiled out at the light rain. It was almost time to get going to Scottsville, AZ. I turned around to watch Jayy; he was still working on his moves with the hula-hoop. I smiled when I noticed how much concentration he had toward the way his hips swayed. He was so swift, so settle. No wonder our fans love him so much. I looked down at the ground, thinking over what he said. I turned to look at the rain again.

The concert was finally on after an earlier performance. I put in my turquoise-coloured contacts and turned to face Jayy, Jayy smiled and winked, we headed for the stage as soon as "Lets Start a Riot" began playing.

"How's everyone doing tonight?" I exclaim through the microphone. The crowd screams and jumps and yells _"we love you!"_

I look at Jayy and smile, he smiles back as he swings the hula-hoop around his arms and neck. The crowd goes crazy.

"Slash, gash, terror whore, I like you better on the floor, sock it to me, ultra hot, danger, danger, on the spot! On the bed, give me head, make you scream, candy cream!" I sing into the mic as the crowd is screaming the lyrics back to me.

As I sing, I always get this feeling like I can just jump in the air and crowd-soar. As crazy as it sounds, I would try it one day. When I'm thinner, that is.

I put the feeling into my songs like I did recording them, even though the crowds might not hear it over their own shrieks of glee.

"Uh-uh!" I say into the microphone four times. "I like it rough, I'll give it tough, I'll make you lust, I'll make you bust!"

"Let's start a riot! Let's start a riot!" Jayy screams into the microphone as he paces the stage once and, for effect, pushes me a bit, I laugh and he smiles his white-teeth smile. The crowd can't see the smiles, only the push, it gets them excited for some reason.

Jayy would back up my vocals when I forgot some lyrics.

"There's blood, on the Dancefloor, we'll bring it once more," Jayy sings in a beautiful voice through the big speakers. The crowd screams.

"Can't stop until we drop, uh-uh, can't stop until we pop!" I respond.

Jayy repeats his line, and then I repeat mine.

The song continues.

After the song was done, and after me and Jayy took a drink of water without leaving the stage once from the cheering, screaming crowd.

"Now, I know everyone's having fun tonight, so how about we get to an old-time favorite you and your friends suck dick to?" I yell into the mic.

The crowd responds excellently with a whole lot of screaming.

Now, I'm not legit, it's just a thing BOTDF does, it's my trademark to be a pimp.

As the music starts, the crowd jumps to the rhythm and so do me and Jayy.

That song finally ended, and without further ado, it was time to announce the last song.

"Now, to all our loving fans out there who don't give a fuck, give it up for the last song of the night!" I yell. The crowd responds again.

Jayy looked at me, smiled and nodded. I nodded back. We were having so much fun on stage; I almost forgot how fun it was to create this song!

A sharp techno beat stung through the speakers as everyone's thrilling faces lit up 100X brighter than before. I'm guessing it was their favorite song. "Scream For ", it was called.

By the time the song was half way down the road, it was solo time.

"Now I type in sex, sex, sex, you start to undress-dress, popping out your chest on your friend's request!"

"Now I'm rocking on your top, and you know I just can't stop," Jayy's part continued, then mine and then the chorus kicked on.

My heart was racing so fast in my chest; I was leaning into the crowd, letting them scream the lyrics into the microphone.

The chorus ended and soft singing was mixed with a light electronic tune. I got up and took a step backward, I looked at Jayy.

"You can taste my ice cream, we could be a sweet team," I sing into the microphone.

"You can taste my ice cream, we could be a sweet team," He repeats and takes a step toward me, he nods and smiles.

The music takes a dramatic pause.

"You can taste my ice cream, we could be a sweet team," I walk up to him slowly and he puts an arm on my shoulder, the crowd starts to get a bit loud now. I think I know what they want…

I put my hand on his hip, close to his butt and the crowd starts to nervously squeal with joy.

Jayy looks into my eyes, our faces closer than ever before. His sweet breath pushing against my face, I close my eyes and silently sniff the air as he repeats my line again.

Then I open my eyes and his eyes widen, I put my right arm around his shoulders and pressed my lips against his. He freezes and then kisses me back for 3 seconds, and then I push off him and start to sing again.

"Scream for my ice cream, tell me all your dirty dreams, scream for my ice cream, show me what's your fantasy," I sing casually, not looking at Jayy, not wanted to see his reaction to the kiss.


	3. Chapter 3

The concert was over and we took some pictures with fans and signed some t-shirts. Jayy was anxious to get going quickly. Maybe he was upset of how I acted.

We got into my car and he wanted to drive, I let him, without an argument.

I looked at him, he was staring out of the dashboard, I watched as the yellow streetlights flashed lines across his sweaty face. His eyes scanned the area and as soon as we got off the highway, he pulled over.

We sat there. Just sat. I was listening to his heavy breathing as he let his forehead slam against the steering wheel. I knew he was mad. I looked out of my window and grabbed my knees as hard as I could.

I wish he would just magically understand what was going on. I felt like crying, but then my heart beat quickened when I heard Jayy rustling in his coat. The seatbelt clicked opened and so did mine.

I decided to look over and Jayy wrapped his arms around me.

"Please don't hate me for this…" he whispered. I felt butterflies rise in my stomach.

He grabbed my face in his soft, large hands and looked me in the eyes; I let my breath out of my lungs as he jerked me forward and kissed my lips.

I closed my eyes and wrapped my arms around him. We continued.

He grabbed my bottom lip with his teeth and gently pulled down. He let go, we took a breath and started back up again. I heard his coat unzip, then he reached for mine. Our coats where removed and he climbed onto my lap and his ass just barely floated above my thighs. He kept his feet on the ground. He pressed up against my chest and breathed heavily into my neck as he sucked and licked my weak spot. I moaned a bit and then took a deep breath as my ass lifted from the seat and touched against his legs, I sat back down again and grab his waist, I sat him down on my lap.

He started to suck harder on the skin of my neck, it made me jump out of my seat and when I did, he breathed with a bit of a moan into my ear. I felt my pants tighten around my waist.

Jayy had removed his shirt and returned to kissing me again. But when he reached for my shirt, I stopped him.

"What's wrong Dahvie?" Jayy whispered in my ear, licking my rook to the lobe.

"I'm…" I shouldn't complain, I was afraid to take my shirt off, maybe he'll get disgusted?

"You're right. I'm so STUPID!" Jayy climbed off me and back into his own seat, he shivered and put his coat back on, "I'm so sorry Dahvie, I couldn't control myself…" He looked at me and frowned.

I shook my head and adjusted my seat back up to a sitting position.

"No, I was perfectly aroused, really," I nodded, he smiled, "But not in the car, we'll continue at home, I just didn't…. umm…. Wanna get cold," I said. Good cover-up Dahvie.

Jayy nodded, thank God.

I fell asleep on our way back home. It was raining again. I got woken up by Jayy's soft kissing.

"C'mon, don't fall asleep on me now!" Jayy said and shook me a bit.

I groaned and woke up; I looked at Jayy and smiled weakly.

He grinned, "Let's go inside and get warm," He said.

When we went home, things got into a whole other level. We were both shirtless and pantless. Only me in my boxers and Jayy in his tights. He was on my lap again, only pushing against me once in a while as I stroked my tongue on his lips. His head was tilted back a little and his mouth was slightly open. I glided my tongue into his mouth and thrust almost down his throat. He groans as we play tongue-wars.

He pushed me onto the bed and pulls my hair a bit away from my face. He looks down at me and smiles.

"You're amazing Dahvie," Jayy whispers in a sensual voice. I grab his hair and bring him down for a kiss again.

He grabs my boxers and kicks them off with his toes.

I think I we know what happens next….

The next morning I felt sick to my stomach. Jayy's arms were wrapped around me and his face buried in my hair. His leg rubbed against mine, and then stopped. I sighed.

I slowly got out of Jayy's death grip and covered him up, letting him hug a pillow instead.

I walked to the washroom and close the door. I look into the mirror. My makeup was everywhere, my hair was everywhere, and my mind was everywhere.

I lurked forward and ran to the toilet. I threw up and coughed. I sat down, my throat stung.

I looked up at the ceiling. I was cold and tired and nude. I was sick and guilty and terrible. I was a _bad_ friend who's just had sex with his _best _friend.

Even though the sex was great, I needed to leave Jayy. I needed to go somewhere with peace and quiet. I don't think I want to live with guilt in my heart anymore. I was moving out.

I gathered most of my clothing and my other stuff, including my bed sheets, and stuffed everything into 3 suitcases. I left the rest behind, followed by a note.

It read:

_Jayy, last night was great, and thanks for being such a trustworthy and excellent friend. I hope we can forget about the past, I won't be in your future anymore. I'm sorry it has to end this way._

_~Dahvie_

Even though my role as a singer for Blood On The Dance Floor was oh so sexual and horny, I think it's time to move on to another profession. Maybe I should work full-time on haircutting again.

As I walk to my car, I stop and look back at the apartment window. I bite my lip and let the tears of pain and guilt wash over. I pack my things into the car and head off.


	4. Chapter 4

I wake up hugging a pillow instead of my best friend. I sit up in bed and look around.

"Dahvie?" I call; no respond.

I get out of bed and yawn and stretch. I put on my underwear and tank top. I tip-toe into the living room and hide behind the door. I jump out and scream "BAH!"

Nobody was here. I was starting to feel worried.

I speed-walked to his room and opened the door; nobody.

I ran to get pants and a coat on and sprinted out the apartment door to the garage, no car. I run down to the lake shore. I look around the peer; my vision starts to get blurry as my tears take over.

"DAHVIE?" I yell out into the docks. I scream in frustration, "FUCK!"

I run to the apartment again and to Dahvie's washroom. I gasp for air and look around. Into the mirror. I growl and hit the mirror with my fist, the mirror shattered into the sink. I start to sob as loud as I could and sank to the cold floor. My hand started to bleed from the cuts of the glass.

Slowly, a piece of paper floats to the floor. I grab it and look at it, my blood soaking the edges.

I choke and cry some more, I crumble the note in my palm.

"Fuck you…" I whisper silently, "FUCK YOU!" I scream and fall on my side, hugging my knees close to my chest.

"I hate you…" I say, "I hate you, I hate you…." I repeat over and over again.

I didn't hate Dahvie; I was in love with him. I hated myself for letting him out of my grasp. Did he not love me back? What did this note even mean? Maybe he's going to do something stupid and reckless. Was it jealousy? No, Dahvie isn't that type of person… is he?

/

I was on my laptop at my new apartment. It wasn't as great as me and Jayy's place, but at least it was something.

I popped a cigarette into my mouth and flicked the lighter. I took a drag and breathed the smoke out. The smoked pushed against my laptop and vanished up into the air. The taste so bitter, so dull. I sighed and went on my blog. I posted _"Blood On The Dance Floor split"_ and shut down.

I lay on my new, hard bed and tried to enjoy my cigarette as the room filled with a deep fog of death. I was done the death palette and reached for another one, but stopped. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath in and out. I felt my cheeks burn. I put my hand on my forehead and sighed.

"Shit…" I say and I drop the lighter on the ground. I get up and retrieve it. I sat on the edge of the bed and looked at the door, listening intently for who was on the other side. I didn't hear anyone, I knew I was alone.

I took my car for a drive to the LCBO and bought some strong whiskey. This should help me loosen up.

But when I got to the apartment, I sat there with my cigarettes and my whiskey and took turns with both. It was horrible, really.

I took shot after shot. One by one. I started to feel dizzy and fell asleep on the cold, stone floor. I began to sob.

I screamed and then pressed my lips together and closed my eyes tightly. I was in more pain than ever before. This was worse than guilt, but better then lust. I smoked another cigarette before I crawled into bed and cried myself to sleep that night.

/

I was at my modeling assignment with my new photo crew. My photographer and I decided to get lunch and talk things over about my new season assignments. I nodded every time he asked if I was interested.

Before that day, the morning Dahvie left me, I checked if anyone has seen him. I put up flyers and called the police and had a search party formed. Nobody knew where Dahvie Vanity, my best friend, my only lover went.

I sat in my bed and sang softly to myself.

"I can't see myself with you…. Now that I've had a taste," I picked up a picture of me and him that was sitting on my dresser, "Every time I close my eyes, I feel your lips…. I see your face," I curled up in my blanket and sighed, trying to think of another line, "I've taken back everything hateful thing I've ever said about love…" I felt the tears trickle down my cheeks and whispered, "I realize I need it… and baby…. You're the one…."

/  
>I was a drugged mess.<p>

I looked in the mirror and stared. What is it? Is that… _me?_

It's been a good month before I left Jayy, and me trying to settle down was only hurting myself.

I touched my face and took a deep breath in. I held it.

I was taking drugs now, the worst thing you could possibly do in such a settle, simple situation. I was skinnier and my hair was falling out. My face and arms were bruised and I was forming bags under my eyes. I was as pail as a ghost and my lips were almost a purplish colour. I was killing myself. _Literally_, killing myself.

My shaking fingers picked up another cigarette and placed it in between my lips. I closed my eyes and let it fall out of my mouth before I hit the floor and fainted. My world went black.

I was at the hospital. A lot of commotion for such a silent place. I looked around, my vision blurry. I screamed as someone touched my arm.

"Settle down Dahvie,"

"WHERE THE FUCK AM I?" I yelled.

"You collapsed and a couple of neighbors heard you screaming so they reported your room to the head desk and when you didn't answer, they called the police and took down the door. You where unconscious and holding a cigarette. You looked _horrible_; we tried to fix you up a bit." The doctor held a mirror to me as she explained what the procedures cost.

I held the mirror in my hands. My face was back to normal, but the deep purple bags remain under my eyes. My lips became their natural deep peach colour again. My hair was thinner, and the doctor said I would have to get laser hair growth in order to get my full hair again. And they mentioned I would have to eat a lot to regain my strength again.

I sighed, this was going to cost a fortune.

I used up all my merchandise money to get back to normal again and I started hair cutting again at my new job. This would probably help me afford the rest of my procedures.

But as I was cutting this one girl's hair, I looked up at the TV and stopped in my tracks. Jayy was on the TV being interviewed for his modeling succession.

"_So, how did this all happen? Being one of the most successful male models in all of America?" the interviewer buzzed._

I turned up the TV as I watched intently when I saw Jayy. My heart skipped a beat. He didn't change much, except for his hair. It was a bit longer, the sides shaved and patterned with three sharp lines running a little past his ears, and a big red blot in his flipped up bangs.

"_Well…" _He looked at the camera, _"My best friend once told me that I was beautiful. He complimented me and told me how much our fans loved me. Ever since _Blood on the Dance Floor_ split, I could only turn to my other profession." _He cleared his throat, _"Dahvie Vanity, if you're watching this, I just want you to know that I miss you and you're the one who brought me here today, please come back,"_

I sighed and looked down at my patient, she looked at the TV and then back to me.

"Why did you split the band anyway?" She asked, raising an eyebrow.

I pressed my lips together.

"I guess it was time to move on…" I looked back up at the TV and saw Jayy's tear-filled eyes.

I went home after work and sat down at the table. My cell vibrated on the kitchen counter. I told myself I would never answer my phone again. But that was in the past.

I picked up my cell and found 126 messages in text and 38 messages in voice mail. My tears took over as I read who they were from.

_JAYY VON MONROE_

_DAHVIE? WHAT HAPPENED? WHERE ARE YOU?_

_JAYY VON MONROE_

_HELLO? PLEASE RESPOND TO MY TEXTS, IM GETTING WORRIED…_

_JAYY VON MONROE_

_DAHVIE, C'MON, THIS ISNT FUNNY ANYMORE!_

_JAYY VON MONROE_

_DAHVEI I LOVE YOU, PLEASE COME HOME OR AT LEAST ANSWER YOUR CELL…_

"_Hey Dahvie, It's Jayy, Um…. Call me,"_

"_Dahvie, where are you? I have a search party out looking for you!"_

"_Dahvie answer your fucking cell! What's the point in having one anyway if you don't answer it?"_

Message after message I listen. My heart pounds. Those stupid-ass butterflies going through a seizure in my stomach.

With every message he sends me, I pack up my things into my suitcases. With every text I receive, I throw my cigarettes and drugs into the fireplace and watch them burn. With every whimper and gasp and scream and pant and hiss and cry and sweat and pain in Jayy's voice I hear, I pour the whiskey down the drain.

The last message ended, and I was finally driving back home. _Home_.


	5. Chapter 5

As I was driving home, I stopped and saw that a motorcycle was on sale. I pulled in the driveway and examined it. It was black with red streaks at the motor. I smiled and looked at the leather interior until I heard a door open.

"You taken a liking to it?" A girl in a plaid sweatshirt and baggy jeans came totting over.

"Y-yeah…" I say, looking at the 2-wheeler again, "I really do like it…"

"Well, it's yours for 600," The girl said, "It's brand new, but needs some work on the gears, I'm trying to save up for college anyway,"

I nodded and looked at it again.

"This would be a perfect gift for my best friend," I told her, she smiled.

"Are you…. You seem familiar…" She said, squinting her eyes.

"I'm Dahvie Vanity, I was in the band Blood on the Dance Floor," I said, shaking her hand.

"Ah right! And your friend must be Jayy, am I right?"

"Yeah… _used _to be…" I said frowning.

"Why'd you guys split?" She asked.

"Things weren't…. going well…." I said running my hand over the motorcycle.

"Oh…. I'm sorry to hear about that," She said, putting a hand over my shoulder, "Tell yeah what, I'll lower the price to 500, this here is the best gift for your best buddy, Jayy. And I'll throw in my old helmet for keep sakes, free! Whataya say to that?" she said with a wide smile as she patted the seat.

"No…." I said, reaching in my back pocket for my wallet. I pulled out $650 and handed it to her. "Keep the change, this goes toward your college fund, so don't spend it on drugs and strong whiskey okay?"

She smiled and raised an eyebrow, "Now why would I do that?"

I shrug and smile, waving the money toward her. She looked me in the eyes without smiling and then bit her bottom lip, she nodded and took the money from my cold fingers.

"Thanks Dahvie, you're a real sweet-heart," She said, her tears spilling over her freckled cheeks. She wrapped her arms around me in a hug.

It was great meeting someone new, getting to talk to someone for once in a long time. I felt better already, I felt like I could take down the world. But as soon as I pulled up in our apartment driveway, I didn't feel too great anymore.

I stopped the engine of the car and sighed, unbuckled my seatbelt and out. I closed the door behind me and locked it. C'mon Dahvie… you could do it… be strong now… I started to hum to myself and thought up some lyrics as I walked to the stairs.

"You are my everything… taught me how to sing," I walked up the stair slowly, "You took a chance on me, opened my heart to see…" I looked for my room number, "You had the golden key…. That simply…. Sets me free…." I jumbled around for my keys, "You are my… only hope… the one I need the most…" I grabbed the right key and stared at it, "You are my light and dark…. The ever… shining spark," I put the key in the hole and began to turn it slowly, "You are my other half…. You always make me… laugh," I started to cry as I open the door, "You are my dearest friend… forever… till the end…." I walk inside the apartment and close the door behind me, "We're simply meant to be…"

I turn on the lights and see Jayy standing there in the kitchen, he looks over at me, startled, his expression turned from depressed to horrify to excitement and sadness.

"For it is plain to see…" I whisper and smile at him, I choke and drop my stuff to the ground. He comes rushing over and wraps his arms around me into a big hug.

"I fucking missed you so much…" He whispers loudly in my ear. I tighten my grip around him.

I pulled away to look at his face and then press my lips against his.

"Don't you ever… walk out on me… again… you bitch…." He gasped between kisses.

He was happy to see me again and I was feeling much better now, now that I was with Jayy, of course.

He started to pull my shirt off when I stopped him. I looked in his eyes.

"I won't make that mistake again," I said, smiling and removing my shirt all the way now.

He chokes and hugs me again.

We walked outside the apartment and into the garage where Jayy's new motorcycle was hooked up to the back of my car. He gasps and slowly walks up to it. I explain to him about what happened to me with the drugs and alcohol which made him furious, but he was sexy when he was mad. I also explained who sold it to me and what I did to help her out for her college fund.

"Can we go for a ride?" I ask him Jayy smiles wider than ever before. I hand him the keys and he starts crying again, but tears of joy, of course.

We were driving down the highway when we stopped for some ice cream.

"Dahvie! Jayy!" A lady calls from behind us, we turn around to see a news cast coming our way. "So tell us, is the splitting of Blood on the Dance Floor finally come to a settling conclusion? Have you two made up and will continue making music for young people to enjoy again?" She asked, pointing the microphone our way.

Jayy looked at me and raised his eyebrows. I smiled and grabbed the mic.

"For all our fans watching this right now, this second, Yes, BOTDF is back on track, and we did make up, but there's one more thing I need to ask young Jayy Von Monroe," I look over at Jayy and he raises an eyebrow. "Jayy," I said quietly, as I took something from my back pocket, I showed it to Jayy and he gasped, covering his mouth with both of his hands, "Will you marry me?"

THE END! :D


	6. Chapter 6

The day Dahvie asked me to marry him was honestly the best day of my life. Besides the fact that I was cutting myself and crying over him being lost from me. As soon as I confessed what I have done when he was gone, he freaked out on me, which is something everyone does naturally.

But when he told me he overdosed on drugs and alcohol, that's when I realized how skinny and fragile he's become.

"I guess this is how you wanted to be anyway, huh?" I ask him in mere silence. We were back at the apartment, it felt warm and secure now that Dahvie was there to hold when I got shivers down my spine.

Dahvie was curled up in front of me as my arms were wrapped around his stomach, squeezing him tightly in the bend of my body.

"I would never have done this intentionally," Dahvie said, shaking his head. His hair was flat down because he just came from the shower, not having showered for days. I smoothed his hair and sat up. He sat up as well and touched my face with delicate finger tips.

"Jayy," He whispered and pressed his lips against my cheek, "I love you,"

"I love you too Dahvie," I respond as he starts to kiss my neck.

I stop him. He pulls away and looks at my face, he puts on a worried smile.

"What's up?" Dahvie asked his voice back to normal now.

"Nothing, just thinking," I respond, smiling back at him.

"About what?" He asked, kissing my cheek again.

"Naw, you won't like it," I said and got up off the bed and away from his lips.

I walked to the dresser and bent down, tousling my dull spikes of hair.

"Aw, c'mon!" Dahvie said; pouting like a little child with his arms crossed.

I looked at him and chuckled.

"You'll think I'm dumb, so no,"

"Jayy! I would never think that! C'mon man, spit it out!" Dahvie said eagerly.

I sighed.

"I want a child," I said silently.

That seemed to silence the moment.

"Huh?" Dahvie said finally.

"A child, I want one," I said, my cheeks burning as I looked back into the mirror and corrected my smudged eyeliner.

"Why do you want a child?" Dahvie asked his tone a bit harsh.

I turned to look at him and crawled onto the bed and lay down on my back.

"I find them amusing, and usually a child is equal to true commitment," I shrug.

"Jayy, we're not even married yet!" Dahvie exclaimed. I smile and grab his waist. I pull him down on top of me and he smiles too.

I kiss him gingerly on the lips.

Because Dahvie seemed a bit weirded out, it made me unsure that he really wanted to be with me. Even though he was the one who proposed, maybe he just did that as a fame stunt? I didn't know if any of this was real or not. But something changed that night, and I hoped Dahvie wasn't high.

"Jayy," Dahvie nudged me in the middle of the night, "C'mon outside with me,"

I moaned and rolled over. I finally woke up when I didn't feel Dahvie next to me. I put on my blue robe and fluffy white flippers. I yawned as I stepped outside into the cold night. The hairs on my legs hugged me. I saw Dahvie on the porch and closed the sliding glass door behind me.

"What's up?" I asked.

He put out his cigarette in the ash tray and handed me a glass of hot chocolate with broken up marshmallows in it.

"Oh thanks," I smiled at him and he chuckled.

"We didn't have any small ones, so I had to cut up the big ones," Dahvie said. His voice was comforting and it made my stomach do loops.

"That's alright," I say, sipping the hot coco.

Dahvie put his arm around my waist and pulled me to the railing, he pointed to the sky.

"I see the milky way, don't you?" Dahvie said. I looked at him while he continued looking up at the sky.

He was beautiful with no makeup or contacts or spiky hair. Even though it didn't seem like him, this was the Dahvie I never meant to fall in love with. I put down my mug on the table. I moved my face toward his and grabbed his shoulders; I looked into his brown eyes. The moon lit them up and made them seem like I was looking in a deep never-ending tunnel. I noticed him staring at me too. He put his hand on my cheek.

"Your eyes are so…" I started to say, but Dahvie ate my words with his lips.

He pulled away and looked at me again; he grabbed his cigarettes and popped one in his mouth. I sighed. He lit it and took a long drag. He took it out of his mouth and pulled me in for another kiss it seemed, but instead, he separated my lips with his and blew the deadly smoke in my mouth. I closed my eyes tightly and coughed. I licked my lips and he started to kiss me soothingly, the taste of cigarette smoke lingered on his tongue. When we broke loose, I took the cigarette from his hand and licked around the tip where his mouth was. I re-act a blow job the cigarette and it got Dahvie looking excited, I giggle inside. I was such a tease. I took a drag and kept it in as long as I could before I blew a circle around his face.

He took his back and wrapped his arms around me in a hug.

"I love you Jayy," He said.

I hugged him back and stroked his hair, "I love you too,"

"If you want a child, we'll get a child," He said. I dropped my arms to my side and he looked at my face and smiled. Tears filled my eyes and Dahvie nodded. We continued to hug.

The days seemed longer and longer as Dahvie wrote things in his notebook. It seemed like everything I said, he jotted down. Maybe it was some therapy thing for his addiction. He still couldn't stop smoking, but he certainly cut down from 23 cigarettes in two hours, to 6 in a day. I was very proud of him. But now I'm not sure if I'm doing this whole fiancé thing right. If I really wanted to be with Dahvie, what would I have to do to make him more interested in our sex life? He just seems so bored all the time.

I decided to escape and go shopping.

The mall usually clears my head.

I get some strange glances and familiar smiles. What's up with people these days?

"Hey Jayy!" Some girl called from behind me, I turned to see Suzy.

Suzy used to be a cyber-freak. She used to love our band (more like obsessed over us) and constantly got bullied over the internet. I swallowed hard when I saw her. She looked older and tougher. I shouldn't mess with some twelve year old. I wish Dahvie was here to back me up.

I just stare at her until she gets up and walks over to me. Her makeup thick, her clothing miss-matched and whore-like, and her lips in a smug smile, her eyebrows pulled together in hatred. I wanted to run.

"Long time, no see, Jayy," She said, sticking out her hand in front of me.

I nodded and shook her hand slowly.

You might have heard of her, her screen name was _"Suzi Suicide"._

The funny thing was, when her dad got involved with online bullying and started to rant over her webcam, people started to re-act the scene of "Dad Gone Wild" on their own webcam. And so did us. Dahvie acted as her dad, and I was Suzy.

"I'm fourteen now, Jayy," Suzy said with a little growl in frustration in her voice.

"I'm twenty-one," I said sharply. She raised an eyebrow, still with a smart-ass look on her face.

"I heard you're marrying Dahvie, isn't that sweet, huh?" Suzy said, trying to hide her anger in a higher pitched voice.

I nodded.

"We should talk elsewhere, fallow me," She said, grabbing my hand in hers, her nails dug into my skin.

We were in an alley way where a pop machine and janitor closet were taken place.

She leaned against a wall and I just stood there. She was prettier than I remembered. Even though I could still clearly see the childish hate in her eyes when she glared at me.

"You've gotten prettier, Suzy," I admitted, looking anywhere but at her.

"Thank you, it means a lot to me, but here's the thing Jayy," She said. I heard a couple footsteps and looked up at her when she grabbed my shirt. She pushed me against the wall and looked into my eyes angrily.

"I'm going to kill you right here, right now, and you can't do anything about it, because that'll be child abuse now that you're in your twenties," She whispered in my ear. I heard something glide out of rough leather and a slivery metal touched my neck, "Tell me how much you love Dahvie."

I bit my lip and felt the tears roll down my cheek. I exhaled and then took a deep breath in. I grabbed her shoulders and pushed her against the other wall. She almost fell to the ground, but quickly got up and plunged her knife at me. I tried to jump out of the way, but her knife stuck in the pop machine.

"Fuck you Jayy!" She screamed, and pulled the knife out of the machine, I stepped back when she once again ran her knife at me. I tried to step away again, but the knife cut my arm. I screamed and slapped Suzy across the face. She held her face with one hand and stabbed my arm again. I cried out in pain and threw her up against the wall. I looked in her eyes angrily. I heard the knife drop and her eyes started to fog up. She wrapped her arms around me and started to cry. I just held her against the wall. I felt the blood in my arm seep into my palm.

She didn't mean to do the things she does. Even though she tells lies and talks shit, I feel sorry for her. I doubt her family supported her in anything. They seemed pretty crazy anyway. She really has a problem with her life because her mom had Suzy when she had aids from another guy before her father met her. I didn't know what to do now. I didn't want to leave her here, but I did.

"Jayy…" She whispered and gasped for air, "Jayy, kill me,"

I looked at her face, my eyes wide in terror. She looked up at me, the makeup oozing from her eyes. She tightened her grip on my shoulders and closed her eyes.

"Do it, please," Her voice cleared up a bit, "I can't live like this anymore. I'm hated by everyone, my parents are abusing me, I ran away from home and fuck for money. I've lived the worst of my life, now just run that dagger in my fucking heart and leave me alone."

I shook my head.

"No, we can get through this, Suzy, please," I begged, starting to cry too, "Suzy, don't give up, Suzy please," I wanted Dahvie here.

"Kill me, I can't change what I've done," She smiled serenely and I let her go. She picked up the dagger and handed it to me.

I trembled.

"I can't do it myself, trust me, I've tried," She said with a chuckle, "If you do this, everyone will be happy again, you'll just forget I even existed."

She grabbed my hand and placed the knife in it.

We were outside in a forest she brought me to.

"I ready," She said, facing a tree.

I clutched the knife in my hand and pressed my lips together.

"Please, Jayy, find the will," She pleaded.

I closed my eyes. I heard her breathing quicken. I took a step forward and looked at her naked back.

"It's okay," She whispered.

I started to sob as I plunged the knife in her back.

I heard a gasp. Than silence.

I look down at her. She smiled and whimpered and mouthed _"thank you"._

Her lifeless, naked body was in my arms.

I carried her to the river and lay her in. I look at her one last time.

"Was this really for the best?" I ask. The wave of the river made her head bob up and down. I smiled slightly and let her go.

The river dragged her away. I through her clothing in as well and sighed. I ran away and cried.

I have guilt impact on me now. I don't know what to do.


	7. Chapter 7

Where was Jayy?  
>I texted and then called his cell when he didn't respond. He finally picked up.<br>I heard sirens and crying. A whimpering breath blew through the speaker.  
>"Jayy?" I asked.<br>"Dahvie... can you pick me up from the mall? I'll tell you about what happened as soon as I can.  
>As soon as I could, I got dressed in caprees and pulled on my leather jacket over my bare chest. It was a chilly evening in,<br>Orland, but I didn't mind.  
>As soon as I got to the mall, the blue and red lights flashed and reflected off the dashboard as the time read '5:23'.<br>I saw Jayy. He was wrapped in a towel and talking to the officers. It must have been raining before because the ground was  
>wet and the puddles reflected the dark, cloudy sky.<br>I parked the car and kept my stare on Jayy. I couldn't stop, he looked so... scared. Nervouse, actually. Was he guilty of  
>this mayhem? I finally found the strangth in my legs to step out of the car and as soon as I did, Jayy's eyes peered over at<br>me. I froze. Then he smiled [[wheredly]] and motioned his hand for me to come on over.  
>I reluctantly walked slowly over to Jayy's welcoming smile. The walk seemed like forever to get to Jayy's side.<br>He wrapped his arms around me and kissed my lips. His lips were cold and chapped and trembling. I knew he had done something  
>wrong.<br>"So you must be Dahvie Vanity, correct?" The officer looked at me behind her long eyelashes. I nodded.  
>"That's me. Is everything alright, officer?"<br>"Just fourth-degree murder is all, but your friend-"  
>"Fiance." I corrected her. She moved her blond bangs out of her eyes and nodded.<br>"Fiance... was called to be a witness." She nodded toward Jayy.  
>"So... what happened?" I whispered to Jayy when the officer went over to consult with the other members of the police.<br>"Do you remember Suzy Suicide?" Jayy asked, looking into my eyes.  
>"The cyber-freak?"<br>Jayy nodded.  
>"... She told me to kill her..."<br>My knees turned to jelly and all of a sudden I felt sick. My throat closed up and my eyes began to water.  
>"Why did you...?"<br>"Dahvie," Jayy said, holding my shoulders and looking straight into my eyes. His warmth didn't make me feel any better,  
>because now I knew it was only the hands of a murderer holding me. Not Jayy Von Monroe.<br>"Excuse me, but we need to bring Jayy into a little room we like to call 'Question Box'." The officer said, taking hold of  
>Jayy's wrists and cuffing them.<br>Jayy looked at the ground with wide eyes. I saw terror in them. Those beautiful, big, brown eyes glanced at me once more  
>until he was forced into the dark police car.<br>The police team drove away with my fiance. If he's going to be put in jail, then the wedding will either be off or  
>postponed.<br>Would I be able to sleep with a murderer in my bed?

I drove myself insane trying to figure out why Jayy would kill Suzy. He mentioned before that she TOLD him to do  
>the deed. But does that really make a difference? Jayy KILLED her.<br>I needed a smoke. But that didn't help clear my mind either.  
>I went out onto the balcony and leaned on the railing, I look out on to the city. It was early in the morning and always<br>freezing. Light, gray clouds filled the sky almost like they were measured and persicely angled to perfection.  
>A breeze picked up and made my whole body shiver. I took a long drag of my cigarette and then stared at it as I blew the<br>poison smoke out of my nose.  
>I tossed the damn thing in the ash tray and walked inside the apartment.<br>I helped myself to coffee when the phone startled me. I dropped the cup and it smashed. I stare at the mess in terror  
>as the phone continues to ring. The answering machine picks up.<br>"Dahvie Vanity, we are asking you to come by the station to answer a few quick questions about your fiance, in which-"  
>"Hello?" I pick up the phone quickly.<br>"Oh, hi, this is Kendra from the police station,"  
>"Hi," I say, trying to calm down.<br>"We would like to ask you a few questions about Jayy Monroe. Will you be comfortable to do so?"  
>I look at the broken cup on the ground and nod.<br>"Yeah, okay, where are you located?"

I got to the station and the officer- I'm guessing that was Kendra- brought me to an examination room. Cold, dark,  
>gloomy, and depressing. Just like my mom's house.<br>"Take a seat and we'll be with you shortly." Kendra opened the big heavy door and I saw Jayy. His left cheeck was red and he  
>was free from his shackles.<br>He smiled when he saw me. He got up and opened his arms. I stare at him. I stare and stare until he drops his arms. He  
>rises and then he walks closer to me, I step back.<br>"Don't touch me," I said under a voice I've never used before.  
>Jayy stopped and scanned my entire body, maybe hoping it wasn't actually me.<br>"Very funny Dahvie," Jayy said in a tiny voice that sounded like it belonged to a child. Then he stopped smiling and his  
>eyes fogged up.<br>"Y-you're not serious, right?" Jayy asked, tears spilling over.  
>I sniffed and rubbed my wet eyelids.<br>"I'm very serious," I say, looking at the wall.  
>Jayy just stood there. It was too quiet. We've never been this way before. We've never had to deal with a murder or the<br>police -that's a lie, we went drunk driving ONCE- or ANYTHING! This was too much for me and Jayy seemed to take it as a joke  
>"This is serious, this whole situation is over my head." I said, shaking my head and looking at Jayy again. His big hands<br>covered his face and his shoulders shook.  
>"I don't think..." I started to say. Jayy looked at me with running makeup. I've never seen Jayy cry like this. It was almost<br>pathetic, but at the same time, I pittied him. I didn't want to do this, but it had to be done...  
>"We're blowing off the wedding," I say, still looking at him but this time through my eyelashes.<br>He started to sob. Loudly and then quetly.  
>I bit my bottom lip and turned my back to him. I almost open the door to escape when I hear a big thud. I turn around<br>quickly to see Jayy, a second time, whack his head hard against the table. I ran over to him and stopped him from hitting his  
>head once more. I grab his face and look at him. His forhead was bleeding and Jayy's eyes were tightly closed. I pressed my<br>lips against his and passionately led him to sit up properly.  
>I pull away and look at him, I fix his hair out of his beautiful, thin face.<br>"You're still going to be my only love," I whispered.  
>"You don't... don't," He shook his head and tried to pull away from me, but I wasn't going to let that happen.<br>"Jayy, you are the only one I want to be with... you know that," I explained, stroking his hair nervously, "That's why I  
>bought you this ring... right?" I said, taking his hand and fingering the silver rhymstone ring.<br>Jayy looked at it and smiled. I whiped away his tears.  
>"No more crying, promise?" I said.<br>He still stares at the ring and looks up at me. He wraps his arms around my neck and pulls me into another passionate kiss.  
>"Promise," Jayy said. I nod and smile.<br>A few minutes later, while me and Jayy wait at the table, a few talking voices appear outside the door. It opens and Kendra  
>and some other guy walk in.<br>"Can we ask that Jayy leaves the room?" Kendra said, looking at Jayy.  
>Jayy looks at me and gets up, I get up to. He leans across the table and kisses my cheek, I smile.<br>Jayy leaves and Kendra looks at me and sits on top of the table, the other guy sits in the chair where Jayy was and leans on his  
>elbows.<br>"So, Dahvie, I'm Kendra and this is Mathis."  
>"We'll be asking you a few questions about Jayy," Mathis continued as Kendra wired up the lie ditector.<br>"Are you and Jayy intimate?"  
>I nod, "Of course," Kendra looks at the red-lined paper and jots something down on it and in her note book.<br>"Do you ever have violent fights with Jayy?" Mathis asked.  
>"Such as...?" I ask.<br>"Like throwing things or threatening eachother with death or sharp objects that can kill someone?"  
>"No way," I say. This is easier than I thought.<br>"Does Jayy ever talk to you about suspicious acts? Like plans?" Kendra asks, writing something in her note book again.  
>"Not that I know of,"<br>"Tell me, is Jayy the murderer of this case?" Mathis asked, looking straight into my eyes.  
>I curled my toes tightly under me.<br>"Jayy is not the type of person to-"  
>"We don't want a story, just an answer,"<br>I look at Kendra, and shake my head.  
>"No,"<br>"Exellent, please wait here as we print out the results." Mathis says as they leave with the paper from the machine.  
>I look around the room and sigh. I close my eyes runs my hands through my hair. My cell vibrates in my pocket. My eyes<br>pop open and realized that they didn't ask me to leave my stuff behind.  
>I reached into my pocket and looked at the message under the table where the camera couldn't see. It was Jayy.<br>"DAHVIE," It read, "IM NOT CONVICTED AS THE MURDERER! WE'RE FREE 2 GO!"  
>I smiled.<p>

When they took us out into the lobby, Mathis told me that I answered all the questions on the test truthfully and that we  
>were free to go.<br>We got into my car. Jayy sighed and put his feet on the dashboard and leaned back.  
>"That place gave me the creeps," Jayy said, rubbing his feet as we pulled out onto the road.<br>"Me too," I agreed.  
>Jayy looked at me, "Were you serious about the break-up?"<br>I shook my head, even though I was.  
>Jayy smiled.<p>

We were finally back at the apartent. Jayy runs to our room and flops on the bed.  
>"I hated it over there, I didn't even sleep, I couldn't," Jayy said, almost crying.<br>I walked into the kitchen and started to make soup.  
>"Dahvie," Jayy moaned from the other room. My stomach tightened. I shut off the stove and walked into the room. Jayy's eyes were<br>closed and he was smiling.  
>He was under the sheets and his pants, shirt, socks, and boxers were on the floor. He opened his eyes and leaned forward. I smiled.<br>"Soups on," I say, feeling butterflies in my stomach.  
>"Does it look like I want soup?" Jayy said, his eyes closed again and his hands running through his hair, "Come here, Dahvie,"<br>"Naw, I'm hungry,"  
>"I'll give you a buffet if you come here," Jayy said darkly and it made my knees buck under me.<br>I stand there and try to seem calm.  
>"Dahvie," Jayy moaned, "Dahvie,"<br>"What?"  
>"Get your ass over here, I'm horny!" Jayy yelled, I laughed.<br>I crawled toward him sat down. Jayy started to kiss my neck.  
>"I miss your warm, naked body under me, Dahvie," He said against my neck.<br>"You've only been gone one night." I say with a chuckle.  
>"Do you love me?" He asked quietly.<br>"I love you," I whipsered.  
>"Mmmm..." He continued to kiss my neck and then started to remove my shirt. I helped him and he looked me up and down and<br>smiled.  
>"I love you more," Jayy said as he ran his cold fingertips across my chest. My nipples got hard.<br>"You're freezing," I said, closing my eyes as he strokes me again.  
>"Then warm me up," He said, unzipping my pants and tugging them off. My boxers where gone too. He throws the sheets over me<br>and climbs on top of me.  
>"How much do you love me?" I ask, running my hands up and down his long, slender back.<br>"I love you too much for words," He said dissapearing under the sheets.  
>"Show me..." I said, even though I felt exactly where he was going.<br>I moan and flinch. Cold hands don't feel too good down there.


	8. Chapter 8

The next morning- well, afternoon, we were busy all morning- I wanted to bring Jayy somewhere special.  
>"Oh Dahvie," Jayy said, tears in his eyes.<br>We were at the orphanage.  
>Jayy wanted children and I promised him that we would get children. Gay marraige for celebrities such as ourselves is common. It<br>usually happens to get more fans, but no gay celebrities I know have children, so maybe this would prove that our love is not a stunt.  
>I want to be as true as I can for Jayy. I love him too much to just throw the oppurtunity of making him happy out the window.<br>I want him as happy as ever, even if he says he's happy enough just sleeping next to me every night, I want to appear sencere, not like  
>the slut I was before.<br>We were inside the room where some children were playing with each other and some where painting pretty pictures using  
>Crayola. I'm not sure what sort of child Jayy wanted, but when he finds the one, that will be a lovely wedding gift.<br>"Dahvie? It's me!" A young girl said. I looked over and choked a laugh of surprise.  
>The girl who sold us the motorcycle was now taking care of the orphanage.<br>"So this is your job now?" I ask with a smile.  
>"Sure is, thank you for the money, it really helped me with college." She took a deep breath in, "I love working with children, helping<br>to teach them, and this is what I got, an ORPHANAGE! It's perfect!" She smiled wider and then saw Jayy in the other room, sitting  
>on the floor talking to one of the little girls. She looked really happy and was playing with Jayy's hand.<br>"This is Mariel," The girl said, walking up to Jayy, "She's seven and a half, loves hourses and colouring, and isn't so much girlier than  
>the others."<br>"She's precious," Jayy said.  
>"Daddy!" The girl squeeled and hugged Jayy. Jayy hugged the girl back and I heard him crying a bit.<br>We were at the adoption room and Mariel was sitting on Jayy's lap. Jayy was holding her little hands in his own and rocking her back  
>and fourth.<br>It was a quick process to adopt a child.  
>Mariel was short for her age. She has short, dark brown hair, lightly tanned skin, and big brown eyes. Her eyelashes were very long.<br>"You are my mommy and daddy?" Mariel asked when we were back at our apartment.  
>I chuckled.<br>"No sweety, we are your daddies,"  
>"Two daddies?" Mariel's big eyes looked confused.<br>I looked at Jayy and smiled, he kissed my lips.  
>"Two daddies," Jayy nodded.<br>"Yay! I get two daddies!" Mariel squeeled with excitment.  
>"We need to get you to school, pronto," I said with a laugh.<p>

The day we sent Mariel to school was the day me and Dahvie felt like real parents.  
>With all the adoption papers signed and all the payents payed and all the troubles passed, we both forgot about the murder.<br>I wanted to get married to Dahvie as soon as I could. I wasn't getting any younger.  
>I year passed and Mariel was turning into a tomboy. For her birthday, we signed her up for horse-back riding lessons and bought her<br>Leggo's. She always wanted those.  
>She was now eight and was a fast learner. She was getting good grades like A's and B's, and got along with everyone.<br>I was now twenty-two and Dahvie was twenty-seven and we still weren't married.  
>"Daddy, when's the wedding?" Mariel asked Dahvie one night when they were drawing pictures of cats.<br>"I'm not sure," Dahvie replied.  
>"Let's get married in a month," I said, Dahvie and Mariel stopped what they were doing and looked at me, "In October,"<br>"Jayy, I'm not sure..."  
>"Please don't fight!" Mariel said in a small voice.<br>"We're not fighting, we're discussing," Dahvie explained, running his hand over Mariel's hair.  
>"Oh, dis-took-ing, got it," She said and continued her drawing. Dahvie looked up at me and smiled.<br>"Okay, October," He nodded, I smiled and left the room.  
>Slowly and slowly I began to feel like a desperate house wife. Running around constantly. Doing laundry; shopping;<br>cleaning; cleaning; cleaning some more.  
>Every day I would have a beer and sit on the balcony, acompanied by Dahvie who has just finished putting Mariel to bed.<br>"I hate this," I said. Dahvie looked at me and sipped his beer.  
>"What do you hate?"<br>"This whole... cleaning and shopping and stuff. I never go out anymore. WE never go out anymore." I said. I sighed.  
>"Well just say it and I'll help around,"<br>"I shouldn't have to say ANYTHING, that's the point!" I exclaim.  
>Dahvie leaned toward me and stroked my hair.<br>"Alright," He said and kissed my cheek, "I'll call a baby sitter tomorrow, I made out a time to go to that resterant we went to the first  
>time we met, remember? The 'Steak and Shake'?" Dahvie chuckled.<br>I smiled, remembering the good times.  
>"I still have that tank top you spilled ketchup on," I said, he laughed.<p>

The 'Steak and Shake' was bussier than I remembered. People lined up a mile long from the resgister, couples ate while  
>trying to control their hyperactive kids. We took a seat and the waiter gave us menus.<br>"So..." I say, trying to make conversation.  
>"So?" Dahvie said, looking through the menu.<br>"Thanks again... for this. I needed a break." I rubbed my temple, "I just hope Mariel is okay with the sitter."  
>"She'll be fine, she's with that girl from the orphanage. She said it was her pleasure to come take care of Mariel on a weekend,"<br>"Oh Dahvie, you shouldn't have done that. That lady needs a break too,"  
>"And so do you," Dahvie said, smiling. I smiled back.<br>The waiter came back with drinks. Diet coke for me, root beer for the chubby one.  
>Dahvie gained most of his regular weight back, making him more cuddley like before. Like a teddy bear. MY teddy bear.<br>I rested my head against my hand as I stared at him. I felt so attached to him. I felt like he was MINE and nobody could interfere  
>with us. I wanted to get married so bad that everytime I thought about it, I could feel myself surrounded by the girls telling me how<br>amazing I looked. I could feel myself walking down the isle with my dad as I kiss him on the cheek and join Dahvie in a sharp tuxedo  
>on the decorated, russet flower-covered porch. We say a few words, kiss, and enjoy our evening with dark champagne and a bubble<br>bath, fallowed by a nice, relaxing honey moon by the beach and-  
>"Jayy? Are you gonna order?" Dahvie asked, interupting my fantasy.<br>"Huh?" I looked up at the impatiant waiter.  
>"Need more time?" The waiter asked.<br>"No, no, ummm," I look at the menu, "A ceaser chicken salad and... with parmagane," I add.  
>The waiter takes our menus.<br>"What did you order?"  
>"Why were you staring at me blankly for like... six minutes?" Dahvie asks, copletely ignoring my question, "It was cute at first but<br>later on you started to look like you were gonna kill me or something,"  
>"Oh," I said and chuckled, blushing, "I... nevermind,"<br>"Please tell me, I hate guessing," Dahvie moaned.  
>"I was just thinking..."<br>"About...?"  
>"The wedding," I said, looking at the table where his hands were.<br>"Oh... me too," He admitted, "I'm so nervous,"  
>I look up, Dahvie sheepishly smiles. I smile too.<br>It was another chilly evening in Orlando. Dahvie and I went for a walk after our dinner and the street lights lit up a path to  
>a secret place that Dahvie refused to tell me about or give me any hint until we got there.<br>"Don't make me beg," I groaned as Dahvie covered my eyes and led me behind a bush.  
>"Too late," He said and dropped his hands.<br>My eyes took a while to adjust but then I saw it. A stone dance floor with a few graceful couples sharing a dance to some instrument-  
>players in the gazeebo. I smiled.<br>"Care to dance? Or are we too old for that now?" Dahvie put on a charming smile as he held out his hand. I smiled and took his hand.  
>He led me to the dance floor. We begin to sway.<br>"How did you know I loved dancing?" I ask.  
>"I creeped your Facebook bio, duh," He explained and chuckled. I slapped him playfully.<br>The music slowed down and we were barely moving. We held each other and swayed slowly. Dahvie's arms around my waist and  
>my arms around his neck. His head rested on my shoulder and my head rested on his flat hair. The dance floor was slowly clearing<br>and the band started packing up. We didn't stop dancing.  
>"Jayy," Dahvie said.<br>He pulled away from me and looked me in the eyes, my stomach hatched mad butterflies. He stroked my hair.  
>"Do you think we rushed things?" He asked. I stopped smiling but the butterflies were werily flapping.<br>"Please don't have second thoughts now..." I whispered, my eyes filling with tears.  
>"Be honest, Jayy," He asked, "We love each other, but still don't know EVERYTHING about each other."<br>"But that's the fun in getting married, we learn as we grow," I explain.  
>"Yeah, but what if I'm a real phyco path, or a pedophile, or if I didn't really love you?"<br>I pulled away from Dahvie.  
>"DO you really love me?" I ask. That silenced the moment and my stomach turned, "Dahvie don't play games, do you?"<br>He just kept looking at me.  
>"DO YOU?" I scream, the tears spilling over my cheeks.<br>He jumps a bit from my scream.  
>"I don't know!" He yells back.<br>I stare at him. I begin to sob.  
>"I don't know... and I'm sorry... I can't live with a lie," He said silently, wiping away his tears.<br>"What lie?" I said, sinking to the ground, "I think I'm going to be sick..."  
>"The lie of you actually KILLING that girl!" He yelled at me.<br>That was the first time Dahvie ever yelled at me. My eyes widen as I stare at the ground in shock.  
>"You DID kill her, or was THAT a lie?" He yelled again. I held my stomach and covered my mouth.<br>"Either way you're lying... and it doesn't really matter, right? Because this was all just a fame stunt... RIGHT?" He asked.  
>"No..." I said, shaking my head, "Get the fuck away from me!" I scream at him.<br>"I love you," He whispered, "I love you so much, but how do I know? Because all I'm worried about every day is if the cops are  
>going to take you away from me today or tomorrow."<br>"I do... I do love you," I say, looking up at him. I find the strength to stand up, "I want to get married, Dahvie... to you. I only lied  
>about killing the girl to the COPS, not you. I did kill her, Dahvie. You should beleive me. But I lied because I want to at least know<br>I'm yours before I rot away in prison. If it makes you any happier, I'll turn myself in."  
>"No," He said, "I just need time to think this over."<br>"Think it over at a motel, then," I say quietly, not actually wanting him to hear it.  
>"Fine... I'll stay at the motel until you want me back," Dahvie said, walking away.<br>I bite my index finger, close my eyes and begin to cry again. I guess all relationships can't work like fucking fairy-tales,  
>right?<p> 


	9. Chapter 9

A sleepless night wasn't what I needed right now, I wanted Dahvie with me.  
>"Daddy? Where did daddy go?" Mariel asked in her purple night gown and bunny slippers, rubbing her eyes as she entered me and<br>Dahvie's bedroom.  
>"He went out," I lied.<br>"Will he come back? He promised to read me the rest of the book about the puppy named Spot,"  
>"Want me to read it to you? I don't think daddy's coming back for a while,"<br>Mariel nodded and ran to go get her book. I sigh and look out the window of the porch into the city. It looked cold tonight. I hope  
>Dahvie was okay.<br>"Here daddy," Mariel climbed toward me on the bed after flopping down carelessly and handed me the book. A peice of Kleenex  
>marked where they left off. I smiled and read the book to a sleepy Mariel.<br>She drifted off to a good sleep.  
>I tucked her in bed and went outside onto the porch after slipping into my black and white leather jacket. I inhale the fresh<br>scent of the cool air and look down at the table. Hot chocolate was stained in the perfect circle of Dahvie's favourite mug; his  
>cigarettes lay next to the ash tray. I pick up the pack and stare at it for a while before I lift up the flap and help myself to one.<br>The deadly smoke did nothing to boost my self-esteem, but it made my body relax from Dahvie's outburts earlier. My  
>cheeks were burning when I closed my eyes to fantasize about him in bed...<br>Just then, the screen door slip open.  
>"Daddy? What are you doing?" Mariel asked with a yawn, "I had a nightmare,"<br>"Oh sweety, come here," I twisted the cigarette into the ash tray and picked up Mariel. I sat down with her on my lap.  
>"You smell funny. What was that? Can I have one?" Mariel asked, reaching for the ash tray. I pulled it away from her.<br>"Hell to the no; you may not have one," I said with a sweet-as-honey voice, "This stuff can kill you."  
>Mariel squeeled, "I don't want you to die!" She exclaimed. I laughed and hugged her.<br>"Daddies don't die," I lied, trying to make her stop crying. I nuzzled her cheek with my nose and she giggled.  
>"You're funny," She laughed.<p>

I woke up to the ring of my cell phone.  
>I've never slept so horribly in my life. It was different without Jayy beside me. I've been told I had bipolar actions, but to the point<br>of me waking up just thinking it was a DREAM? Where in the hell did I go wrong? The drugs probably messed with my head.  
>All the hurtful things I've ever said to Jayy has backfired. I hate myself for doing what I did.<br>I picked up my cell and answered it.  
>"Hey, Jayy," I said, a half-smile was planted on my face, happy that Jayy called, but upset for needing Jayy to invite me back to the<br>apartment.  
>"How are you, hun?" Jayy asked.<br>"I'm alright, the sinks are pretty gnarly in this place, though," I said, "I was afraid to brush my teeth cuz I thought something might  
>pop out and eat my face,"<br>Jayy laughed. A full-out, hearty laugh. It made me smile hearing the sexy raspyness of his laugh in a long time.  
>"Well I know a place that doesn't have sink monsters, if you're interested," Jayy said with a chuckle.<br>"Oh realy? And where can I find this place?"  
>"Please come back, I'm not compatible without you," I could almost hear Jayy's mouth pull tight into a straight line.<br>"I'd love to, and I'm sorry,"  
>"Don't even go there," He chuckled, "It's okay to think things through, but I don't think you're supposed to when you're about to<br>commit yourself to someone you love,"  
>I nodded, "That's true,"<br>"So... yeah... come back," Jayy said.  
>I laughed, "If that's what you want,"<br>"That's exactly what I want," Jayy said, "And also, Mariel has something to tell you, I was pretty suprised so I'm not sure how you'll  
>handle it,"<br>"Oh, alright," I said, taking my stuff and packing it up in my bag, "I should be there in about twelve minutes,"

When I got back, Jayy hugged me good and firm and long. It felt nice.  
>"So what did Mariel need to tell me?" I asked, smiling.<br>Jayy bit his bottom lip -which was extremely sexy- and looked down at little Mariel.  
>"Daddy," Mariel said, poking my hand.<br>I bend down so she can whisper in my ear, even though Jayy already knew.  
>"You're what?" I ask, my mind went blank.<p>

"So our little Mariel is a lesbian," Jayy said, brushing his teeth.  
>I was in bed. This bed was much better then the motel's. Like MUCH much better.<br>"I would have never guessed," I said, "I mean, well, knowing she was more into guy stuff like Leggo's and Hot Wheels and stuff just  
>never really made me think she was gay,"<br>"The thing I would like to know is how she found out she was," Jayy shrugged, rinsing his mouth and then leaning against the door  
>frame of our bedroom.<br>"Maybe she had her first child crush?" I suggested, smiling at the thought of Mariel and some other little girl holding hands while  
>walking to the swings, "Aww,"<br>"Possibly, we'll talk to her tomorrow about it. I already tried to talk to her but she insisted on telling you first," Jayy said with a laugh.  
>He tore off his shirt and streched his torso. My stomach did loops as I watched him undress.<br>He slowly pulled off his gray skinny jeans and streched his legs out.  
>"Hey Dahvie, can you do the spilts?" He asked.<br>I laughed. Like... really hard. Jayy raised and eyebrow and smiled.  
>"It was only a question, I'm not a stand-up comedian or anything,"<br>"You're right, your jokes suck," I said, still laughing.  
>He glared at me and made an evil face.<br>"Oh shit," I exclaimed, almost jumping out of bed when Jayy pounced on me.  
>"I'm sorry! I take it back!" I yell, still dying of laughter as Jayy attacks me.<br>He stops going crazy and smiles down at me. I stick my tongue out at him. He grabs it.  
>"Want me to rip off your tongue?" Jayy said, teasinlgy pulling on my tongue.<br>I couldn't talk, I just made weird noises and laughed.  
>"You're retarded," Jayy said, smiling, he let go of my tongue and rolled off me. He lay down facing me and smiled serenely. I looked<br>into his deep, brown eyes.  
>"If you ripped out my tongue, I wouldn't be able to give you french kisses, and I know you love my french kisses," I said, smiling.<br>"Hmm," Jayy said thoughtfully, he rolled so his back was facing me, "Naw, I could survive without your french kisses,"  
>"Oh, very clever," I said, wrapping my arms around my beloved's flat stomach and pressing my body against his, "I'll just have to<br>make you beg for them. You can't hide your feelings from me anymore,"  
>I run my hand down the side of Jayy's long body and stop at his thighs. I kiss the back of his neck.<br>"I love you," I breathed into his neck, I could feel his goose bumps erecting. I kissed his neck once more and run my tongue along it.  
>"That feels good..." Jayy moans. I smile.<br>I find his weak spot and start to nip at it. I run my tongue over and lightly grind my teeth on it. Jayy stretches his hand  
>down to where mine are and cranes his neck so he was facing me. I smiled and kissed his lips lightly. I run my tongue over the<br>silver studs on his bottom lip. His tongue meets mine and lures me into his mouth. Jayy's body moves so he's fully facing me again  
>and he runs his fingers through my hair with a light pull.<br>"I want to have sex with you," He whispers in my ear.  
>"But Mariel is still watching Spongebob in the living room, and it's the episode where Patrick looses his brain and gets it swapped<br>with a really smart brain," I whisper back.  
>He chuckles and then closes his eyes and whipes the smile off his face quickly.<br>"Better lock the door and crank up the TV volume then," He breathes into my neck and looks up at me through his eyelashes.  
>"Better yet, we should put her in a box and keep her in the alley until we're done," I said, lifting the sheets to see Jayy's body. He<br>pushes my hands away.  
>"Never, she's our child," He said, smiling.<br>"Naw I was only kidding,"  
>Jayy grabs the sheets and rolls off the bed with them, I follow after him. He looked like a caccoon lying on the floor.<br>"Very funny," I said and pouted.  
>Jayy smiles, "I think so too,"<br>"I thought you wanted to get busy?" I said with a wink.  
>"No, Mariel will hear us and then she'll ask weird questions that I'd much wrather let the teachers deal with."<br>"She's eight and already has a crush, don't you think we should give her SOME sort of imput?"  
>"No, but you can if you want." Jayy said, yawning.<br>I just lay down while looking at Jayy.  
>"How about, instead of sex, you can make me soup and then feel me up on the porch," Jayy suggested.<br>I sigh, "Fiiiiine," I moan and get up.

Jayy was only kidding about the 'feeling up' part, but when we got out on the porch, the mood changed. We ate our soup  
>in peace. No talking. I look out into the night. It was the warmest night this whole week. I wanted to go swimming so badly.<p> 


	10. Chapter 10

Hello people of this world!(: Thank youuu soo much for reading my story & I hope you liked it.. I know I didO.O Dahvie vanity is my smexy beast!(; botdf is my favorite band! Check them out3


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